Working things out

Sitting on a sofa on a Sunday afternoon
Going to the candidates debate
Laugh about it, shout about it
When you've got to choose
Ev'ry way you look at it, you lose

Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio?
A nation turns its lonely eyes to you
(Woo, woo, woo)
What's that you say, Mrs. Robinson?
Joltin' Joe has left and gone away
(Hey, hey, hey...hey, hey, hey)
        -- Simon & Garfunkle, 1969

It’s probably all Frank Halleck’s fault.

Mr. Halleck was my fifth grade teacher. Every week, he scrawled a “Brain Teaser” on the chalkboard. Students who completed their other work could tackle the teaser for extra credit.

Some of these were pretty straightforward: I got a kick out of figuring out how to split exactly 10 gallons of water into 7- and a 3-gallon portions even though I had only a 5, 8 and 10 gallon containers for measuring.

But other teasers were hard. I typically finished my work early (not always correctly, but usually early), so wrestling with the teasers was a part of my life for the 180 or so days I spent with Mr. Halleck.

Knowing there was a solution but not being able to wrap my mind around it, so to speak, was frustrating. I got headaches. It made me mad.

For much of my adult life, I rather proudly defined myself as a “problem-solver.” I guess I viewed this as one of the higher callings.

I learned that it is often not necessary to solve a problem – there are work-arounds.

I learned that the solution to many problems can be found outside the apparent boundaries used to define them – it helps to think outside the box.

I learned that more than one solution often exists – there’s more than one way to skin a cat.

I learned that some problems really aren’t worth the cost of solving – don’t sweat the small stuff.

I learned that many apparent problems really aren’t problems at all – if it ain’t broke, you don’t need to fix it.

And I learned that other people can often do a better job solving a given problem than I can – two heads are better than one.

Whatever his motives, Mr. Halleck managed to get my nose out of the books and into applying my talents, such as they were, to figuring stuff out.

I wanted to solve the problems; I wanted to be first to do so.

Mr. Halleck made a difference in my life, I suppose. I remember him as a fairly detached person – not seeming to take a personal interest in his students. But he was very good-natured and obviously enjoyed having a good time.

Many nights, I move from sleep to awareness and find myself trying to solve some kind of problem. It’s usually an ill-defined problem and potential solutions make no more sense to my waking mind than the problem itself.

My earliest recollection of sleepless nights featuring endless attempts to solve insoluble problems is of nights when I was sick. No doubt the underlying problem was my illness, but it manifested itself as something less tangible.

I suppose those first sleepless nights could have begun when I was in Fifth Grade – and that this really is Mr. Halleck’s fault.

I don’t suppose I’ll ever know; but that doesn’t mean I won’t spend endless hours in the darkness trying to figure it out

Begin, Reagan, Palestine, Terror on the airline
Ayatollah's in Iran, Russians in Afghanistan

Wheel of Fortune, Sally Ride, heavy metal, suicide
Foreign debts, homeless Vets, AIDS, Crack, Bernie Goetz

Hypodermics on the shores, China's under martial law
Rock and Roller cola wars, I can't take it anymore

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
Well, we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it
        -- Billy Joel, 1989